Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Tao of Davis' Household Hints

Delightful Readers,

I was floored by your outpouring of concern for my uneven eyebrows and my poor punctured retina. I did eventually match my eyebrows up to the same thickness though, and you’ll be relieved to know that my eye healed up just fine.

Other matters have come up, that need your attention.

The following scenarios have met with some differing opinions around here at the Tao – as to the best way to tackle some of those pesky day-to-day chores. So how about it? You, there in Florida, peeking over your shoulder, wondering if something is wrong with your computer cable connection, hello! Ahoy, there, on Cape Cod, where you just choked a little on your lukewarm coffee! Please, I am certain there is SOMETHING you have figured out, but haven’t necessarily told anyone about, that makes life a little easier. Oh, yes, you have. Add your own tips, tips you’ve come up with in those desparate, “oh Christ, I live in ‘Hee-Haw’ moments.”

Okay, in no particular order here are some real head-scratchers:

1. In a large Stop and Shop paper bag you have the remains of your lunch, which consists of:

· An unopened can of organic/vegetarian chili.
· An unopened Dannon Naturals vanilla flavored Yogurt
· A half-drunk bottle of seltzer water.
· An unopened plastic utensil set – napkin, fork, knife, spoon.

Do you:

A.Take contents out of the bag, and put them where they belong- chili in the pantry, utensils in the drawer, etc.
B. Leave them out on the counter.
C. Shove the whole thing, paper bag and all, into the refrigerator and leave it right on top of the loaf of bread, where it is sure to cause maximum damage.

2. You have just finished your evening snack, which consisted of an entire bag of blue corn tortilla chips and a large glass of milk. The best thing to do with your dirty dishes is to:

A.Wash them and put them in the dish strainer to dry.
B.Put them in the sink, it’s late, and you might as well tackle them in the morning.
C.Leave the empty bag, crumbs, and dirty glass right on the end table, for a stunning visual effect.

3. You came home from work and changed into some comfy clothes, not that anyone can blame you, it’s been a long day and you’re tired. Your dirty clothes go:

A.In the hamper.
B.On the back of the chair (you could wear them once more).
C.Wherever they land, and it’s anyone’s guess, babe.

So, how did you do?

If you answered mostly A’s, then you my friend are the sort of folk that Martha Stewart might invite to a neighborly soiree. You can leave us tips, but we will probably scoff at you when you are not looking.

If you answered mostly B’s, then you are conscientious but laid back, maybe you don’t change your sheets weekly, but you deal pretty well with drafty windows, leaky plumbing, smart-mouthed children and the always in-style combo of sticky counters and floors. We probably have a lot in common, like inadvertently answering the door with lactating breasts untucked, to the delight or dismay of the FedEx man.

If you answered mostly C’s then you are a real charmer. You are among the Thoughtful but Slumming set. It might take you a while, but you can most likely identify the culprits in the crime-scene stains on your car seats. The floor of your car isn’t visible however, because there is a layer of empty chip bags and coffee cups to wade through to get to the pedals. You may want to take some time to re-familiarize yourself with trashcans and Oxy-Clean.


Leah said...

oh yeah, my fedex guy has gotten an eyeful, lucky him - oblivious me :)

tao said...

The first thing is a total acceptance of the person, whoever he is, whatever he is.